“What about abuse against men?”

You hear the anger in their accusatory tone when they respond to what they feel is too much attention given to male batterers. It’s understandable. They’ve been victimized, too, and for whatever reason, others seem always to minimize what they’ve gone through. “They” are men who have been beaten, bullied, and verbally and emotionally terrorized, and their batterer is often a woman. The fact that she may be smaller and less physically imposing often opens these men up to ridicule. “You let a woman beat you up?”

The protests from these men are that they, too, are victimized by domestic violence, and no one seems to care. So, this needs to be said:

Domestic violence is a crime. It does not matter who the victim is. It is intolerable no matter who is doing the hitting and who is being hit. Violence against men is still violence. It is a crime. Period.

When we write about domestic violence, we tend to focus on its women victims, because they make up 90% of those seeking medical attention, shelter for safety, and other outward signs of needing protection. It is women who come to us and others for counseling when they are too afraid to breathe loudly in their own homes for fear it will unleash another tirade that leaves them bloodied, bruised, and terrified for their lives.

But that does not mean that we believe it is any less dangerous, less demeaning, or less wrong when the person being beaten and bloodied is a man. It does not mean that holding the perpetrator accountable is any less important when that perpetrator is a woman. Domestic violence against men is still domestic violence.

The Centers for Disease Control estimate that each year about 2.9 million men are the victims of physical attacks as a result of intimate partner violence. Women victims number about 4.8 million. Both numbers are probably underestimated because victims tend to hide their abuse out of shame or fear that they will not be believed.

Tiger Woods’ recent troubles unleashed speculation by many that he was battered by his wife before his car accident. For the record, the police investigated and concluded that no such assault took place. Still, this did not end the snickers and the jokes. A recent Saturday Night Live skit featured two actors portraying the couple. As each new marital indiscretion was revealed, the comedian portraying Woods reappeared with a new set of injuries and his wife at his side holding a golf club in a threatening manner.

By the time the skit ended, the golf club was wrapped around his head. This type of comedy only underscores the problem that male victims face. If a man is beaten, there is an assumption that he did something to “deserve” it. Had a woman appeared in the skit as the victim of the violence, we tend to believe that NBC might have sent its writers back to the drawing board.

A recent column, “SNL Says: Domestic Violence Is Hilarious – When Directed at Men,” did an excellent job of tackling the issue. Equally interesting was the debate waged by readers in the Comments section that followed. Read the article; then read the comments. You’ll gain a lot of insight into just how ambivalent much of the public is about domestic violence against men.

The YouTube video below tells the terrifying story of one male domestic violence victim. The sound quality is not the best, but the story Jerry Miranda tells is worth the effort.

Then, read this article by the Mayo Clinic and learn how to recognize the signs of domestic violence against men and how to seek help if you’re a victim.

To learn more about preventing domestic violence, visit us at  eagles-wings-ministry.com.