Jim's Story
Eagle's
Wings was founded in 1995 and received non-profit status in 1996. It is
the vision and dream of my former wife Judi Noble. The mission of Eagle's Wings Organization focuses on all aspects of the life cycle of domestic abuse from prevention through intervention to victory in order to stop the perpetration of generational abuse, Eagle's Wings is a "hands-on" organization that strives to achieve this through counseling, increasing awareness and knowledge in workshops, seminars, and literature. Our goal is to bring reconciliation and restoration to families. This is a unique differentiator for this organization.
Judi's passion for the education and prevention of domestic abuse comes from her personal experience with abuse, in large part by my hand. We were high school sweethearts and married shortly after she graduated. The abuse had started before we married but escalated rapidly afterwards. When she found out she was pregnant, she left me and filed for divorce to protect our son, Jeff. I had very little contact or connection with either Judi or Jeff for the next 13 years.
Jeff and I began to form a relationship during his teen years. That bond has grown into an unbelievable father-son relationship. Because of that relationship and the desire on both of our parts to co-parent, some communication was opened between Judi and me. I believed that I had come to a place of repentance in regards to the abusive way I had treated her during our marriage. On several occasions, I had asked her to forgive me. The response was always "yes," but the feeling I got was "I will never trust you."
In 2001, I attended a 4-day experiential workshop that focused on the way we "do" relationship.
During that weekend I became very clear (heart clear—not head clear), for the first time, about the impact that my actions had on other people. The low expectations I had for my life came from a sense of insecurity fostered by the seeds planted years before in the area of abuse and my half-hearted ownership for those actions. By the end of the weekend I was totally committed to changing my relationships, primarily (I thought) with my current wife and 4 children.
I wrote and presented a commitment statement to each of them speaking of promise into a real, transparent and authentic relationship. I openly confessed that I wanted "them to know that I knew" there were wounds on their hearts and souls that were totally my responsibility and that I would do whatever it took to help heal those wounds. I asked my wife, Carol, and both of my former wives, Judi and Linda (my 2nd wife and mother of 2 children and a recipient of my abuse) to hold me accountable to my commitment.
Upon asking Judi for her commitment to hold me accountable and expressing my ownership and sorrow for the way I had treated her so many years ago, both of us completely broke down. There seemed to be a closure of the past and reconciliation for the future—it was one of the most freeing moments of my life.
Shortly after this Judi asked Carol and me if we would consider serving on the board of directors of Eagle's Wings and help take a message of the hope for family reconciliation and restoration to the abused. We agreed and we started planning the workshop known as "Love Does No Harm." The vision of the workshop was to provide a safe place to explore abuse prevention through education. The first two workshops were great successes and a weekly women's "open door" group formed at The Water of Life Church in Fontana [California] to provide support for abused women in different stages of transition. This group has been and is still going strong for more than 3 years. A great woman of God that had attended the first workshop facilitates it.
As we have continued doing these workshops, they have somewhat changed. Though still predominantly attended by women there are also more men, both from a place of abuse and also abusers wanting something better for themselves and their families. I see so much healing coming from these workshops it blows my mind. The workshops provide an environment of safety, education, options and hope for the abused. They provide the same for the perpetrators of abuse without judgment or condemnation.
The above is a "Readers Digest" summary of the history of Eagle's Wings and the "Love Does No Harm" workshop. Personally, I have made a commitment to the end of domestic abuse in my sphere of influence. I will open my life and those experiences anytime and anywhere in order to protect the abused or help the abuser to understand the impact of his or her actions and for both to move into a place of healing. I believe, because of my personal experience, that reconciliation can happen, that the children of abuse can understand that it is not their fault and that they are created in love and by love. For me, an abusive relationship is an unacceptable legacy for the generations to come.
The Father Heart of God governs this work. His heart shows up every time a workshop is done along with the love and compassion of Jesus and the wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit. Without the Grace of God, this story would not have happened and the work would not be going forward.
In His Hands,
Jim Howell